Saturday, 6 October 2007


Silver, that was the colour of grandma’s hair..And woe betide anyone who said her hair was grey! The chalice and platter in church were made of silver, and Mr Boultbee explained to us why most churches had silver wear rather than gold wear for their communions. Everyone thought he was dirty…he never seemed awfully clean..As a vicar, but being a kid…and not quite understanding…well…there was no Mrs, he lived with his sister and the Major. The Major had an imposing character. Perhaps time has muddled my memories…or the fact that the church has no special significance for me now…if it ever did have. Think the only time was just after Edwin was born, and try as I might…I will admit I was clutching at any straws that might help me keep my marriage together…as when I had gotten married…I did promise myself that I would stay married…and not go through divorce like I’d watched my brother do. Although looking back, Chris’ divorce looked pretty painless on his part …from where I was watching. After all…he had Mum and Dad and myself to help him look after his children, who he’d decided it wasn’t safe to leave with Lyn. And he went on being to all intents and purposes a single man. It was us who picked up the pieces for him.
When mine did come around..The circumstances were so different. No unfaithful spouse….unless you could being obsessed with a bank balance. My heart felt like it was falling apart, but I knew that if I didn’t do it..It would be my brain…intellect..Sanity that would suffer. Mental abuse is never visible, and the occasional dip into physical abuse…so swift that a 400 shutter speed would not catch it.
It takes so long to recover from all that, but every cloud has a silver lining…and mine is just becoming visible. I have been so patient.waiting for this to come about, it ain’t here yet…but the silver is glinting at me in a very shy way.